It all started about 3 years ago. I was going through a tough time in my life, and things were about to get harder. I didn’t have a car and there was no bus stop near my home. I had to walk 4 miles one way to get to the bus stop. That was 8 miles a day; this was all at a peak of 240 pounds. I had a live in boyfriend who was jobless, so I had no choice but to get my butt up and get to work. Id ride the bus for about an hour and arrive at 8am. Things were getting more and more difficult at home. The person that was living with me, was racking up my bills, and yet I couldn’t seem to push him enough to get a job. It was so difficult. Paying all the bills, cooking and cleaning, coming home to someone, and feeling like no one was there. I was lonely and miserable. One day I had enough. Walking to the bus stop in the morning, it started raining, I didn’t have an umbrella I was soaking wet, my lunch was soggy, could things get any worse? Yes. That day I was bitten by a dog walking to work, and the lady tried to drive off. I swear I had the worst luck! Walking home everyday in the heat just about killed me. Besides being bitten by a dog, I was eaten alive by mosquitoes, yelled at by passer-bys, had things thrown at me, hailed on once in a thunderstorm….. But today I just stood on the bridge and cried. I have to change things. I was miserable in my home life, and in my own skin. At the time I smoked to ease my stress, I would have loved to pull out a cigarette and breathe it all in. But they were soaked along with the rest of my belongings, and that day I threw them on the ground, and vowed that I would find my way to happiness. The next day I quit smoking and started working out. Would it work? I was skeptical, how many times have I tried and failed? I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I might have failed at love, but I won’t let myself down. I kicked him out of my house, started working out religiously, changed my eating habits, quit smoking, and worked on my self-esteem. No more was I going to be the pushover. No more was I going to be that size 20. No more was I ever going to be the brunt of fat jokes.
How could I get so large? What was I so miserable about? I had to realize that I was an emotional eater. Id prefer not to think about how I felt and just eat. Cover it all up with food. But I knew I had to face my fears…..myself. I cannot tell you how hard it’s been. It’s been an ongoing battle, but I FINALLY won. I had to literally fight myself from going to the freezer on those nights that I would roll over and realize he wasn’t there anymore. I would have to duke it out with myself and say “I can make it….I am worth it” as I look out the window, as if he would find his way back to me. I was so alone. Did I make the right choice kicking him out? YES! YES! A thousand times over. He was NEVER there for me, and now I realize I was co-dependent on him and food. Just when I thought I would have to pick up that phone and call him, the scale was down 10 pounds? I looked around and wanted to scream out 10 POUNDS! OH YEAH! This pushed me even further. Obviously I’m doing something right! I felt this extreme high. I worked out harder, because I knew I could make it and no one was going to stop me.
I owe it to Billy Blanks and my free-weight work out routine. I struggled at first, being overweight and out of breath, but everytime I finished my tapes I held my hands up and started to sob. Not tears of sadness but tears of joy, the fact that I did it! I probably have 10 tapes of Billy’s in my living room and everyday I would switch out tapes. I am now 135 pounds, and I feel great. It’s an awesome accomplishment. Sometimes I want to cry because I cannot tell you how far I’ve come. Words cannot explain it. I wish that everyone knew my story. Id like to be someone that can tell others “YOU CAN DO IT”, I want everyone to know that you’re NOT ALONE. Unfortunately I did not have the emotional support that I would have liked. All of my friends disappeared. Most of them were overweight and grew to dislike me. I never understood why. I’m still the same person, just lighter. They claimed that I didn’t want to be with them or be around my “past”. It wasn’t that at all, I just couldn’t make food the main focus of my life anymore. A lot of them went out to eat and I just couldn’t do it all the time. I felt maybe I am betraying my friends, but maybe I should just continue with MY goals, and ignore what others say about me. I made it through the storm, and I will never give up.
I have one goal left. To lose another 10 pounds, and that’s it! Woo! Ive already bought a new car last year so that goal is taken care of.
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